4.28.07

Happy (?) Memorial Day, everyone. Tonight, a very uncreative blog. I will simply be posting quotes from The Tenth Circle. Various quotes that changed my life. Enjoy. :)

“The process of growing up was nothing more than figuring out what doors hadn’t yet been slammed in your face. For years, Trixie’s own parents had told her that she could be anything, have anything, do anything. That was why she’d been so eager to grow up – until she got to adolescence and hit a big, fat wall of reality. As it turned out, she couldn’t have anything she wanted. You didn’t get to be pretty or smart or popular just because you wanted it. You didn’t control your own destiny, you were too busy trying to fit in. Even now, as she stood here, there were a million parents setting their kids up for heartbreak.”

“Hope was a pathological part of puberty, like acne and surging hormones. You might sound cynical to the world, but that was just a defense mechanism, cover-up coating a zit, because it was too embarrassing to admit that in spite of al the bum deals you kept getting, you hadn’t completely given up.”

“She found herself studying him not in terms of who he was, but who he wasn’t.”

“When you fooled around without the feelings attached, it might not mean anything…but then again, neither did you. Trixie wondered if there was something wrong with her, for not being able to act cool and nonchalant, like none of this mattered anyways, is that really what guys wanted? Or was it just what the girls thought the guys wanted?”

“When she stood next to him, he smelled of rum and indecision.”

“She wondered if they knew that their patient was a husk, a shell left behind by a snail because home didn’t fit anymore. You’d think someone who’d been to medical school would be able to hear through a stethoscope that somebody was empty inside.”

“You see outfits like those in fashion magazines, outfits so revealing they bordered on porn. Women glanced at those photo spreads and wished they looked that way, men glanced at them and wished for women who looked that way, and the sad reality was that most of those girls were not women at all, but all girls.”

“You couldn’t have strength without weakness; you couldn’t have light without dark; you couldn’t have love without loss.”

“What was the point of being able to forgive, when deep down, you both had to admit you’d never forget?”

“The saddest day in the world will be the one when she stops pretending.”

“Teenage girls want guys to be attracted to them, but no one’s taught them how to deal with the emotions that come up with that stuff.”

“There was a fine line between love and hate, you heard that cliché all the time. But no one told you that the moment you crossed it would be the one you least expected. You’d fall in love and crack open a secret door to let your soul mate in. You just never expected such a closeness, one day, to feel like an intrusion.”

“Like Daniel, Jason had learned the hard way that we are never the people we think we are. We are the ones we pretend, with all our hearts, we can’t become.”

“Disaster was an avalanche, gathering speed with such acceleration that you worried more about getting out of its path, not finding the pebble at its center.”

“Maybe you had to scrape bottom before you could push your way back to the surface.”

“Relationships always sounded so physically painful. You fell in love, you broke a heart, you lost your head. Was it any wonder that people came through the experience with battle scars? The problem with a relationship – or maybe its strength – was that it spanned a distance, and you were never the same person you started out being.”

“He was like some kind of soap opera actor whose tragic story line you fell madly for: beautiful to look at, but all the same, you knew what you were seeing wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.”

“Because the more you changed, the less of you there was.”

“It was not a coincidence, Trixie thought, that no and know sounded the same. You were supposed to be able to say the magic word, and that was enough to make your wishes – or lack of them – crystal clear. But no one over said yes to make sex consensual. You took hints from body language, from the way two people came together. Why, then, didn’t a shake of the head or a hand pushing hard against a chest speak just as loudly? What did you have to actually say the word no for it to be rape?”

“There were some people who hit your life so hard, they left a stain on your future. She understood how you might spend your whole life waiting for that kind of man to come back.”

“It was no coincidence that fear could move a person to extremes, just as seamlessly as love. They were the conjoined twins of emotion: if you didn’t know what was at stake to lose, you had nothing to fight for.”

4.20.07

Once again, dancing at Pacific Rim Street Festival was a blast. And being the conceited person that I am, thought I would post a picture of myself. But without facebook or myspace, where else am I supposed to post pictures?



Insert "You're a Hawaiian Poser" comments here. :)

5.19.07

Blame the lack of posts on AP tests, please.

What are our thoughts on second chances?

And by “our”, I mean the five people who read this.

I googled “second chances”, to try to steal other people’s opinions on the matter. Because as we all know, the best thing to do when you’re lost is to google a key word.

My results? Michelle Branch has a song called Second Chances, the lyrics of which, helped me this much: (). Also, there’s apparently a movie called “Second Chances”. The rest were about juvenile prisoners who were given second chances. Oh, and a pet adoption agency. But I didn’t click on that because otherwise someone would ring our doorbell on Monday with 5 cats in a box, and I’d have to pretend not to know anything while my mom freaked out.

So this is a short plea for advice.

People change. Sometimes you just have to give them the benefit of the doubt.

5.6.07

Desire is a funny little creature. A parasite, if you will. It burrows itself into your mind, without your consent, and flexes its power at the worst possible times. I think the word itself sneakily implies a want for something unattainable. Something you know you’re never going to get, or something you know you shouldn’t WANT to get, which, incidentally, makes you want it even more.

We have your test results, and Ms. Minnig, I’m afraid you’re suffering from an acute case of desire, in its later stages. And you can bet your bottom dollar it’s deleterious to your well being.

My will power, which has been remarkably on the rise these past few days, has reached a local maximum, and will thus begin to decrease on the interval [May 6, ?].

What do you mean I’ve been studying Calculus for too long? Take it back.

I’ve come to realize life happens when you least expect it. Who would’ve thought that mixing up directions to Jack in the Box would be so hilarious? Who would’ve thought that sitting in a car for an hour trying to identify the artist and song name would be so entertaining? Who would’ve thought a man helping me back up would make me laugh for the entire ride home?

But I felt more alive in that afternoon than I have in a long time.

I’d like to thank a handsome fellow with an umbrella who once saved my day.

5.6.07

Earlier this evening, sometime between waking up from my nap and making unnecessary cookies, an idea ripe for blogging presented itself. However, I still have to finish this ACLU essay, and aforementioned blogging idea will take much thought, so I will simply review a funny situation happened in my life recently. Things which I hope, you, valued reader, will also find hilarious. (As a quick side note, I realized my blogs are all the same. Different topics, yes, but I mostly just spew my thoughts all over the place like word garbage and sprinkle many, many questions throughout.)

As most (maybe I shouldn’t flatter myself. I change that “most” to “some”) of you know, I am a diligent student by day, and a money-making hula dancer by night. So this weekend, we had a performance for Intel’s company party in Folsom. Now, in my experience, company parties are always somewhat less enthusiastic than normal parties. Maybe people feel weird getting completely wasted around their co-workers? Not sure. Anyways. Ok, so to make our shows more…interactive, or…embarrassing, we go out into the audience, in search of unsuspecting men to bring on stage. Our musician plays some Tahitian drum music and we dance around them, they make an ass of themselves, but the crowd loves it, and when the crowd loves it, they give us tips, and when they give us tips, we get more money. Was that a run on sentence or was that a run on sentence? So anyways, the room is set up with like 40+ round tables, I go out into the audience, and this is my experience.

TABLE ONE:
Kyla: Can I interest anyone in coming up and dancing with me?
Some guy: NOSE GOES!! (Thank you, Sir. I didn’t realize we had teleported to second period Losada)
Table Members: Hahaha! You lost! (points at loser of nose goes)
Kyla: Ah, looks like you’re coming up with me!
Loser of Nose Goes: No.
Kyla: The rules of Nose Goes are pretty iron clad, I’m pretty sure you have to come up with me…
Other table members: Go! Go!
Loser of Nose Goes: No.
Kyla: Well, ok. If you’re sure…
L.O.N.G.: No.

Alright, so table one = lost cause. Please keep in mind that I have a smile plastered on my face, and I’m acting more jovial and friendly than you’ve probably ever witnessed. Or maybe I picked on some unsuspecting man with a speech impediment who could only say no. Anyways, moving on to table two…

Kyla: Can I interest anyone in coming up and dancing with me?
Table Members: Jason! Go!
Jason: Nooo, I don’t think so…
Table Members: C’mon! Go Jason!
Kyla: Yeah, c’mon Jason!
Jason: I don’t know…
Kyla: Put down your beer, come up and dance with me!
Jason: YOU’RE NOT MY AA SPONSOR!!!!

Ummmm….ummmm….hmmmm….ummmm…ok. So maybe it was best that I didn’t go with Jason, seeing as how…well, you know what? There’s a million things I could finish that sentence with, but I won’t. You pick your favorite and fill in the blank.

So, dejected and somewhat relieved I didn’t witness what would happen if I separated Jason from his beer, I finally get someone up from another table. Who turned out to be HILARIOUS. I’ve done this “pick up” thing many, many, many times, and this guy topped the charts. He was superb.

And that’s the name of that tune.

4.30.07

Yesterday, my life diverged from its normal monotony…I spent time outside. Yes, I actually made arrangements to spend an extended period of time outdoors. I like air conditioning. I like carpet. I like electricity. I like anything that is safely contained within walls. So you can imagine my surprise when I found myself in the backyard, stretched in a hammock, reading Gatsby, and enjoying all nature has to offer. I witnessed some diligently devoted doves tending to the nest they built on top of our outdoor speakers. I witnessed a high speed chase between two squirrels, taking place in the tree limbs above me. I listened to “The Birds and The Breeze”, the hot new single by the up-and-coming artist, Mother Nature. My sprawling limbs jumped at the opportunity to soak up some sun rays. Such a meeting has not happened, in California anyways, since the field trips of youth. In the Islands, I spend most of the day riding the waves, counting how many waves are necessary to sink my feet into the liquid-y sand of the shore, setting my schedule by high and low tide. Conduct on the Mainland is different, apparently from the lack of a near-by ocean. Time spent outside is an accident, a casualty of commute. Nature and I are completely different entities, results are best when not mixed.

But we are water and light and that is all. This is why the dawn of spring moves us so. Flowers are nothing but water and light. Our food is solely water and light, granted you don’t eat processed food in shiny and noisy packages. We even rock the same chemical happenings in us as a banana. According to the human genome, everyone on this planet is 99.9% identical. Only the slightest variation in our genes makes us appear different. You are light. I am light. I hate to admit it, but Lynette is light. Ha, ha. This is starting to sound like transcendentalist propaganda. I am not a transcendentalist, thus, I will stop. But I will leave you with an amazing passage from an amazing writer. It will amaze you. Or maybe not.

"Life is but a dream. There are no rules, only loves and fears. No one knows just why we are here and what the point is but we have figured out so far that it’s based on having experiences. We all get to have a wonderful time, even if it is limited, to dance and play out here on the surface on the earth, on the side of the rock, and thankfully we’re not sliding down to some bottom or being flung off the side of it as it spins and do-si-do’s around the galaxy. When was the last time you sat and thanked gravity for the rain or skydiving? The wonderful time is obviously introduced in so many different ways across the plains. Our parents and theirs before them set into motion where you would dance and how you might do it. From early on we became conditioned beings."

4.21.07

I return to this blog like it’s a cold toilet seat. You have to sit right down, dive right in. As familiar as the seat may be, you know the look is different than the feel. There’s no easing onto it. The same goes when entering the pool in this new season of pretend warmth. We get hot days, but lo and behold, below the surface those water molecules are clinging to the richness of winter still. The chill in our bones makes like a pre show to the goose bumps doing the wave across your body. You go into that pool one toe at a time. At waist level you curl your arms up like you’re a Tyrannosaurus trying to defy the laws of water physics. Mouth wide open in delight, a perfect companion to your body language, it looks as though you want to type something in the air, were two typewriters suspended above your shoulders about where the Y is to your M C A. In this case, the anticipation isn’t always best. Just go under already.

My fingers have been dyed a toasty, silver nitrate brown. And the tendons in my hand literally hurt. Could this be from the 17-ish paragraphs I wrote on Tuesday? Maybe. Or it could be from playing too much Guitar Hero II in Statistics. Or it could be from trying to catch Poage’s football passes by clapping my two hands together, miraculously hoping for that ball to land between them. Then, he had the audacity to give me tips on how to play football. I mean, honestly, who does he think he is, a varsity football player? Jerk.

So, today I learned that my 19, yes that’s NINETEEN, year old friend is five months pregnant. I assure you, I am not making a story more dramatic so that it’s better reading. Well, maybe I should explain the lead up, so that it’s just as shocking to you as it was to me. Although I kind of just told you the climax, but anyways. This morning, I wake up at 7:30, roll out of bed, shower, jump in the car, and start my tour of Northern Cali. First, I go pick up someone at Walnut and Marconi. Ok. Not too bad, about 10 minutes away. Then we drive out to Antelope, to pick up soon-to-be-mother. To get to the freeway, she takes me through North Highlands. This was literally the most frightening 10 minute (it felt like a half hour) drive of my life. They have a store called “Gold Teeth” whose storefront was, I am not joking you, a grill. I seriously pushed the speed limit through that entire neighborhood. Then we drive to Downtown Sac. Does anyone else hate driving Downtown as much as I do? Freakin’ one way streets. So us three, in the mini-van, are going to meet another three at Tower Café, next door to Tower Theater. They have the best French toast I’ve ever eaten, for anyone who likes French toast. And I consider myself a connoisseur of French toast. So, we’re talking and eating and laughing, and Tyra goes “So, Jenny, when are you thinking about moving?” The rest of us are like, “What? Why’re you moving?” Jenny, “Well, I’m pregnant.” and SHRUGS. SHRUGS. Now, perhaps I should’ve prefaced this with saying I like Jenny as much as I can like a fellow human being. But COME ON. You’re 19. She’s five months pregnant; her baby girl is due August 22nd. Thanks, gynecologist Kyla. You’re welcome, curious blog reader. She and her boyfriend, read BOYFRIEND, have been together 15 months. I’ve had crappy mascara in the bottom of my make up bag for longer than that. I was talking to her about it on the drive home, and she was like, “Well we were talking, and we were both just like, we’re kinda stuck with each other, aren’t we?” YOU’RE NINETEEN. YOU’RE NOT STUCK WITH ANYONE. Aren’t you still kind of deciding what you want to do with your life at NINETEEN? “I know everything about him; I helped him fill out his Java City application, so I know his social security number, his extra curriculars, and his full name!” THE MERE FACT THAT YOU THINK THAT DEFINES A RELATIONSHIP TELLS ME YOU’RE NOT READY. A picture of the two on her Myspace has the caption of: My Baby’s Daddy! THE FACT THAT THAT IS YOUR CAPTION TELLS ME YOU’RE NOT READY. Oh, well, I know his full name, so…it’s only the natural next step that we have a kid together, right? Now, I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not true. This girl is SMART. She is the sweetest person I’ve ever met. Well, Christy Cunningham might give her a run for her money.

I can’t even picture myself with a real, in-living-Technicolor boyfriend at 19. Heck, I can’t even imagine what I’ll look like at 19. Actually, I lied, I can. I’ll probably just look more like Aly. I CERTAINLY can’t imagine myself PREGGERS at 19. I can’t imagine myself pregnant…ever. When Seibel was talking about how giving birth changes you, blah blah blah, I thought to myself, “What’s the point?” Now, please understand the disclaimer to this entry: THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS OF RIGHT NOW. THIS IS NOT SET IN STONE. I really don’t want to have children, ever. It’s not just because of the video I was forced to watch about childbirth. But what’s the point? The earth is populated enough. Kids are expensive – yes, this is my frugal Asian facet showing itself. I teach hula to little girls. By the end of an hour and a half, my veins are so engorged with rage that I balloon up like that girl in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Veruca Salt? Was that her name? If I get annoyed after 1.5 hours, what’s that compared to the rest of my life? There’s the not wanting to die alone thing, and I’ll admit, that’s something to think about. But kids are a crap shoot. If technology has advanced enough that I can custom order my child, GATTACA style, perhaps I shall reconsider. But for now, I will uphold that I don’t want kids. However, I do want many, many cats. Ha. Joking. No I’m not.