3.26.07

NOTE: to all you who dislike girly, somewhat sappy entries, this is not the entry for you to read. Check back later, thanks.

Also, I would like to point out that I am on some what of a role. This is my second post in a week. Or maybe I just have so many natural blogs pent up inside me, they’re just effusing. Finally, I’m slightly disappointed “blog” has crept into my vocabulary.

Anyway. Hi, my name is Kyla, and reflect-aholic. (Hi Kyla…) Seriously, I need a rear view mirror for all of my relationships. RELATIONSHIPS MAY APPEAR CLOSER THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE. Ha. So let me share with you a little conversation from chemistry…

Elena: Oh, Kyla, are you still with…that guy?
Kyla: Oh, um, no, we broke up.
Elena: Oh, I’m sorry. When?
Kyla: About this time last week
Elena: When did you start dating?
Kyla: About this time last year

Although, in retrospect, (See? I’m doing it again. You’d think all this mental rear view mirror checking would translate into me being a good driver. Oh wait. I am.) Maybe I shouldn’t have referred to it as “dating”. I’m realizing that constant texting does not a relationship make.

Has it really been that long? To think, at this time last year, the Trevor relationship was so new and exciting. No foreseeable silent treatments, no two month long disappearances…I feel like I’m being unjust. It wasn’t ALL bad. It’s so much easier to complain about the negative than it is to share the positive. Like how I loved how he would push my hair back. Too bad I always ruined the moment by melting into a puddle, then he’d have to go run for a mop, wring me out in a bucket, wait for me to go through deposition and turn back into a human (oh yes, you chemistry buffs out there, that was for you)…and by that time, the moment was pretty much ruined. But the ratio to things I liked to things I didn’t was like, 8 : 37. (Don’t quote me on that. What, did you think I’d sit here and make a list? Well, for your information…I’m not that bored.) I suppose whatever boy is the next lucky contestant for my infatuation could be taught such maneuvers. But looking into my crystal ball, I’ll predict it won’t be quite the same.

My classes this year are such: 4 AP’s, 1 Honors, and Statistics. ‘Why Kyla, you brag so subtly,” you say. No, no, the point wasn’t to brag. It was to point out that I don’t cower in the face of hard work. So how is it that I’ll gladly substitute sleep for that A, but was too exhausted to keep working on my relationship? Towards the end, I’ll admit, “I’m too tired to do this,” would cross my mind when I could feel a fight brewing. Or why couldn’t I just admit that it wasn’t working? Maybe I thought I wasn’t trying hard enough. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to cope with it not working. The other day, I actually said, “feelings, shmeelings.” The shocking part here is not that I said “shmeelings”, although I will admit it was not a high point in the history of my word choices, but that I brushed FEELINGS off to the side. Emotions were transformed into things which could be forgotten at present, to be revisited later, or maybe never. Maybe I’m turning into a robot, and my RAM isn’t large enough to compute normal humanoid emotions.

For those of you who have talked to me for a total of at least 30 minutes, you will be able to corroborate with the following statement. My speech is comprised of the following: 1/3 sarcasm, 1/3 analogies, 1/3 quotes (from The Office, Scrubs, or Arrested Development). So as my closing thoughts, I will attempt a Trevor-Kyla Relationship analogy. Trevor was like an inert gas. Helium, Neon, Argon, Krypton, or…I can’t remember the rest. They say you can’t change a man; inert gases are steadfastly…inert. It’s a difficult concept, I know. I’m a chlorine-potassium compound. As chlorine, no matter how much shit (electrons) I took, I just couldn’t reach that coveted group 8A. As potassium, no matter how much I gave into him, I still couldn’t shake off that final restraint and reach those damn Noble Gases. Any bonding or sharing that might have occurred was fleeting, at best.

There you go. This was quite a chemistry related entry. It’s time for me to get out of the driver’s seat and stop looking back. Well, for now.