4.14.07

Is everyone ready for a rant? Good, because that’s what this is going to be.

Tonight, something clicked. I only have a small handful of friends who will truly listen to me. Let me share some information with you.

I’m a private person. The closest people in my life don’t know half of what goes on in my life. I am not, I repeat, NOT a dramatic person. I don’t feel the need to share everything with everyone, after I make it uber-melodramatic, naturally. I think this mostly stems from not liking to talk about myself. I know it isn’t, but when I spend time talking about myself, I feel selfish. But then again, what is this blog? Anyways, in addition, I think my life is…boring. Why do people need to know every boring detail? They don’t. But even big things, like when we had to put our cat down or my grandpa died, I think I told two or three people. Point of this glimpse into my mind: if I tell you something personal, it’s a rare, big freaking deal.

So tonight I was sharing my most current, interesting news. Which, mind you, is still not that exciting. This is my conversation:

Kyla: blah blah blah
Friend: Oh my god, this is just like my situation with so-and-so! Like after we had blah blah blah….
Kyla: Oh, really? Yeah, so what should I do?
Friend: But then afterwards, so-and-so and I were like blah blah blah blah

…Friend did not even answer my question with her recount of a story that wasn’t even pertinent! (well, to be fair, I couldn’t see how it related) What the hell? I’m asking for five minutes of your time to talk about ME and MY situation. Not how my situation reminds you of YOUR situation.

How long have I spent listening to her and all her various situations and mini dramas? 10 minutes? And 7 months? And 3 years?

And what angers me the most, is how OFTEN this happens. I ask friends for MERE MINUTES to talk about me. Am I being selfish? Yes, if this happened every single day and I never let them talk about them. But honestly, sometimes I just need five minutes of uninterrupted “let’s talk about kyla” time. And this doesn’t just happen with “Friend”! It has happened OH SO MANY times in the past. What about me screams “just talk to me about everything on your mind, and I won’t ever ask to talk about myself in return, because you’re the only important person that matters. Oh, and did I mention you’re the center of everyone’s universe?? Because you are!!” And I realize I could be labeled with being passive aggressive, but in my defense, I didn’t realize how badly it annoyed me until tonight.

If I actually talked about how angry I am with one of my “it’s all about me” friends, this is what they’d say. “Oh, it’s because you’re such a good listener. I know I can talk to you about anything and you’ll have advice for me.” Bullshit! You just want to talk about yourself and know I won’t stop you!

I would like to take this time to genuinely thank the 4 people who read this blog. Because you let my have my much needed, uninterrupted, “let’s talk about kyla” time.

So, thank you.